The purge: Very reluctant heroes
by 0718dragonlord
Summary: When you go out purging, make sure you don't have complete idiots with you! "Hey, i have a PHD!" "You ate it!" "I was hungry!"
1. Chapter 1

Once a year, the government allows us one day in which for 12 hours all crime is legal. Let me tell you it is total chaos, from shootings, stabbings, and beatings you name it. You probably think I'm describing black Friday. You were close, but what I'm really describing is the purge. It started in 2008, when America was in total chaos. We were literally close to having a second civil war. But then the new founding fathers stepped in and decided to make this annual purge. Of course there were some who were opposed to this, whether for moral or religious reasons. There were others who supported it to weed out the weak. I admit I opposed it at first, but ultimately, it was passed and it went on for years. At first we hid and hunkered down. My mom and my sister and I survived thanks to my senator dad being able to afford us the best protection, mercenaries, and a fortress of a house, but there were others who weren't so lucky. The homeless and middle class get it the worst.

When the homeless aren't being slaughtered, the gang bangers like to go at each other like rabid dogs. Then there's the lootings and murders. And unfortunately you shouldn't count out rape. The first four years were terrifying and we had our close calls. But unfortunately I eventually got used to it. Worse of all when I hit 16, I found myself participating in it. My dad supplied me with weapons, and booked me some combat training sessions. I just stuck to looting. All I stole was some games, i-pads, and occasionally meds to sell for a few bucks. When I came back from my first purge, I had seen some nasty shit. The chaos was even worse than what I saw on the purge cams. I nearly got shot more than I can count, but luckily my fellow purgers were too busy with each other. I was just horrified by the things I saw, like women being raped. I also saw People begging for their lives and just shot like nothing, or worse. I wanted to help, but I've seen what they do to heroes. Let's just say it doesn't end well, so I just minded my own business. A year later I made some friends.

There was a short, medium built guy name Sam. He's a huge otaku. He was a little shy, but as soon as I started talking to him and hanging out with him, he warmed up to me. Then there's Richard, a taller also medium built, and wore glasses like Sam. if you can't tell, he's a dick. And pretty crazy, and I'm talking beyond cuckoo for cocoa puffs, but he was all right. During our college year in 2013, I decided to invite them to purge with me. Worst mistake I've ever made. I swear I've met death, so many times that night; we shook hands every time we meet. First, they locked us out of the car.

"We didn't know! "A duck showed up and it all went downhill from there. "Oh for fuck's sake you actually expect me to believe that!? "Quack, quack! "What the fuck! "Pururin the second!

Pururin, I mean Sam shouted. I just refuse to call him Pururin. Oh and I don't know how he did it, but he actually changed his name to Pururin. So yeah he actually did that and the idiots locked us out of the car, but they actually got a duck in there. "Don't tell me you named the damn thing!

"And how the hell did you idiots allow this to happen!? "He quacked his way in! "Richie, I've known you for years, you cannot be this retarded! "For Christ's sake you have a fucking PHD in Biology! "And Puru- I mean Sam, you are one of the smartest computer technicians I've met! "Last week, you built a new laptop after my last one broke. "So how did you get outsmarted by a duck!? "He quacked us! "That makes no sense! "Seth come on, it wasn't our faults! "Oh sure, and I'm a Yoshi! Pu- I mean Sam then asked me-"You're a Yoshi!? "Oh for fuck's sake!

Richie then explained to me "Well you see he picked up our deadliest gun and threatened to shoot us with it. I then looked into the car and saw the duck with a banana. "It's a banana! The duck then started pecking the banana. "Oh my God! "He's about to shoot! "Hit the deck! Richie shouted as he pushed both me and…Sam. Damnit! I nearly called him Pururin again. "Damnit Richie, it's a Goddamn banana! "Potassium will kill us man! "Oh for fuck's sake! "Let's just get out of here. Sam then said, "Let's go this way! "Richard then said: "No, we're not going that way! Sam then asked him why. He then said "Because I'm not listening to the guy who got his foot stuck in the toilet! "At least I didn't get my ass stuck in the toilet. "At least I didn't get my ass bit in the toilet! "You did too! "Yeah, by you! I then told them: "How do you people function? They told replied "With magic.

"Guys just follow me. But unfortunately, that was only the beginning. We then tried our hand at robbery. It didn't end very well. You might be wondering what happened. Here's something you should know: Don't give two idiots that you live with all your money and guns. They actually gave them to the family we were robbing. "How did you people let this happen!? "I don't know! "They asked very nicely. "God dammit you don't give them your weapons no matter how nicely they ask!

Then we made our way back home, just barely. "Finally something goes right! "Crap do you guys have the key? Richard then told me: " I Remember where the keys are. "They were in the car that the duck stole. "That's fucking wonderful! "Really!? "That's great to hear! "I thought for a second you would be mad. I then pulled out my gun and stuck it to Richard's crotch. "Get on the ground, both of you! Richard then told me "I'm not your mother last night! I then pistol whipped him to the ground and kicked him repeatedly. Sam then pointed and laughed until I told him to get on the ground as well. "I will take it upon myself to purge you imbeciles from this world. "Any last words? Richard then said; "Oh look a shooting star! "Make a wish Pururin! "Ok, I wish for magical girls. "I wish for- you know what I'm not saying it. "All right that's it, good bye guys. When I pulled the trigger, all I heard was clicking. "What the- The gun had no ammo. "Yay my wish came true! Richard yelled out. "Okay guys, I guess I won't be shooting you. "really? "Yeah, I'm gonna stab you instead. I pulled out my machete but before I could swing it down on Richard's head, a skimpy clad girl dressed one of those magical girls came charging at me, hit me on the head, and shouted "where's my money? I then pulled out my spare gun and pointed it at her, but before I can pull the trigger, the siren sounded. "The annual purge is now over. "Thank you for participating. "Yay me wish came true too!

Needless to say, I haven't took them out purging with me ever since. You might be wondering why a sophisticated guy like me would hang out with them, much less live with these morons. Well you see the reason is, they somehow always pay the rent. "And I still don't know how these guys managed to get into college. The next year, I planned on stealing a PS4, Batman: Arkham Knight. And maybe do a few murders along the way. Unfortunately this night, not only did they convince me to take me with them again, I unfortunately also played hero… by accident. You might be wondering how do you accidentally play hero. Why don't you ask retards 1,2,3 and 4. "But there's only two of us! "No,no,no you guys are so stupid, you expanded the number for yourselves! Anyways I'll tell you more after I recall more of that night.

Author's note: I was bored and liked the concept of the purge. I'll credit my friends who helped me with the dialogue for them, and there will be more chapters on the way and the story will be based on the events of the purge:anarchy


	2. Chapter 2

In 2015, I made preparations for this year's purge. We also moved to Los Angeles. And for sure I wasn't going to bring those morons purging with me… or so I thought. I bought more weapons, AR-15s, M-16s, MP5s,AKs and Glocks. I also bought bullet proof vests, combat boots, and knives. And finally I bought a car and tricked it out. Bullet proof windows and fully armored, all of this thanks to dear old dad's money. He became a member of congress since last year, and one of the few reliable members thankfully.

He was nice enough to give me money for all of this. "Thanks dad, i appreciate this. "You're welcome. And how're your roommates? They're fine, they're getting settled in. "And how did your last purge go? "You never mentioned how that went. "Ugh, I do not want to talk about it. "Why? "Let's just say those imbeciles made shit go so far south I swear to God I thought I hit Mexico for a second. "Well then, I guess it was that bad huh? "Yeah, you bet. "All right just have a safe purge this time, oh and how is that girl you've been seeing? "Oh she's fine, however she seems kind of familiar. "What do you mean?

"Well you see, near the end of the purge I was about to execute those idiots but then this skimpy looking girl dressed like one of those magical girls in anime hit me on the head and yelled where's my money and before I could shoot her, the purge ended. Well what does Kristy look like? "Well dad she's tall, blonde, green eyes, and white. "And she also sounds like her. "Well son don't let it bother you and hope I can meet her some day and she better give me grandchildren. "We'll see about that, bye dad.

I got off the phone and turned on the TV. One of those purge propaganda ads started playing. There was footage playing of vigilantes saving people from last year's purge. An old well-dressed man then appeared on the screen and he began his speech. "Tonight allows a release. "We don't save lives. "We take them tonight. "We can't have any interference. "We can't have heroes. "So I ask these self-proclaimed heroes to stop this and allow your fellow citizens their right to purge. "Should you continue this, you will answer for it. I then switched to the news. The news anchors then began to talk about last year's successful purge. More like Successful for everyone else at least. They then began to talk about the groups mounting up for this year.

"This year looks to be our biggest purge yet. "If you don't plan on purging we advise you to stay off the streets tonight, it will soon be a war out there. Damn, oh well bring it on. I then went to check up on the idiots. "Hey guys, I'm gonna go out, I'll be back around 6. Richard then said; "Where are you going. "I'm heading to Kristy's place. Richard then said; "How come we never get to meet her? "Because I don't want your stupidity to spread onto her! "Oh come on you're still mad about last year? "Yes I'm still pissed, never has a purge gone wrong for me. "Look just forget about it. "Do you need me to pick up anything? "The stores close in a few hours. He told me to get milk and cookies. I then went to see Sam. I stepped in his room. It was anime themed, and a life sized statue of Fushigi Pururin, a new magical girl anime that's been going on since last year. I still have no idea what's going on in that anime. I then said; "So all settled in? "Yeah everything's good. "Need anything before I go? "Yes bring me some beer. "Why? "It'll make me go super saiyan! "Whatever. Before I approached the front door, Sam and Richard then approached me. "Seth, can we please go out purging with you again? "Why would I say yes? "Please! No! They both started to cry and sadly it wasn't as funny as I thought. "Oh all right I'll think about it just stop crying. "I'll see you later. "Yay! I then left the house.

As I was walking to my car I see my next door neighbor Leo Barnes coming back home with a fully armored car and a bag full of what I presume were weapons. He greeted me. "So you're going to purge? "Yes, Mr. Conroy. "So you're going after the son of a bitch? "Oh yeah. "Drunk ran over your son and only got his license revoked. "And I'm sorry to hear about your son. "Thanks, I appreciate it. "Just do me a favor and make him suffer. "Oh I will.

I then went to Kristy's place. Then I knocked on the door and she let me in. we then sat on her sofa. "Hey babe, how's your new house? "Oh its fine, my roommates are settling in. "So how's your day? "Oh it's fine; my room mates are out purchasing weapons and fortifications for the house. "Oh all right and how long till they get back? "They won't be back for another hour or two, which gives us some time for a "sparring session". She then got up and motioned for me to follow her into her room, and let's just say you know where this was going.

After our "sparring session" We both laid next to each other, as she laid her head on my shoulders. She then asked me; "How do you last this long? "What can I say? "Pure will power I guess. "And another thing? "What? "Did you ever go out purging? "Well yeah plenty of times, why? Did you go last year? "Uh huh. "It's just that you seemed familiar. "Did you happen to run into three guys? "Now that I think about it, I think I ran into these three guys who were arguing over something and one of them was about to kill the two others, and I then ran up to him, whacked him on the head yelling where's my money and ran off. "It was so funny, why do you ask? That was all the proof I needed, she was their savior. "You know what? "Never mind. "I'm gonna head home, it's almost 6. "Later and stay safe. "You too. I then kissed her before getting dressed and went home. What can I say, the sex was good and she was fun to have around.

After I picked up the cookies, milk, and beer I finally got back home around 6. I entered the house and put the stuff on the table. "All right guys I'm back. I then heard Richard yelling; "Help, I'm being titty fucked again! "So I see nothing happened while I was gone. Richard then showed up with his clothes torn apart. "Ok what happened? The duck showed up, It held me down and titty fucked me hard! "Did you skip your pills again? "How did you know? "Whatever, I got your milk and cookies. "Yay! I then called out to Sam. "Sam!" Sam! "Oh for fuck sakes, Pururin! "What? "I got your beer. "I can go super saiyan! "Whatever I thought about taking you guys with me. "You did? Sam and Richard said in unison. "Yeah, I have decided. "I will take you. "I can use the back up. "Yay! "But I have a couple of rules. "Ok let's hear them.

"Rule 1: You do what I say, when I say it. "Well what if something happens like… (Gibberish) "Speak fucking English! "You know I speak Eenglish not English. "Same thing dip shit. "Rule 2: Don't do anything unless I say so! Rule 3: We don't play heroes again. "Oh come on I just got us matching uniforms! Wha- nevermind. And Rule 4: you morons stay close to me. "What if I need to take a shit? "While we're being chased, you throw that shit in whoever is chasing us in the face. "And Rule 5: No killing each other and Rule 6: No killing yourselves. "And finally rule 7- "Oh come-on you know we can't count! "Rule 7: You don't speak unless I ask you something. "What if you forget to ask us something? "Enough! That's all the rules? "Any more questions? "What were the rules again? "Ok how about this, one rule: "You do what I say, when I say. "And where's Richard? "Help! "I'm being beaten up by the powder-puff girls! I then looked out the window and see Richard being beat up by three little girls. Sam just looked and laughed. I gave a small chuckle. I then just burst out laughing. I think I might keep these idiots around for a while longer.

I then decided to get ready and I provided them with weapons and bullet proof vests. I then put on my boots, vest, and my gauntlets that modified with triangle blades. But as I was readying my weapons, I noticed someone was getting their but kicked. "Help, they're still beating me up! Just buy their cookies! "Pururin help! "I would help you but these cookies are just too good. I then went up to the girl scouts and paid for the cookies. In case you ask Richard stole the cookies and they chased him down and started beating him. Why little girls are selling cookies a half hour before the purge I don't know why but I stopped questioning logic when pururin's hair started glowing gold and started shooting lasers out of his hands. I'm pretty sure Richard put something in my drink so don't worry about that. Anyways after that, I put on my vest, equipped my M4 and Pururin and Sam finally got ready and then on the TV the announcement started playing:

"This is not a test, this is the commencement of the annual purge sanctioned by the US Government. Weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during the other weapons are restricted. Government officials of ranking 10 have been granted immunity and shall not be harmed. Commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder will be legal for 12 continuous hours. Police, fire and emergency medical services will be unavailable until 7am When the purge concludes. Blessed be our New Founding Fathers and America, a nation reborn. May God be with you all. "Well this is it. Bring it on.

**Author's note: Here's the second chapter. I will probably have the next chapter next Saturday. Leave a review and if you have any questions about it, let me know. That's all. the next chapter, it will be more exciting and action packed, don't worry.**


	3. Chapter 3

Once I had my equipment, bullet proof vests, my skull shirt, guns and my helmet which I shaped to look like the arkham knight's helmet which as a bonus was bullet proof, I made my way to the jeep that Richard named the bat mobile and I approved since I'm a batman fan, along with Sam and Richard. Guns were already blazing before I even started it. Richard went into the passenger seat, with Sam in the back. I started making our way towards the city of LA. It was a warzone.

Everywhere I looked, there were shootings, beatings and stabbings. The gangs were tearing each other a new one, particularly the circus freaks and the reapers. Neo Nazis and the KKK usually have an all you can kill buffet these days, but for some reason they always get the bright idea of storming the hoods and ghettos, you know the ones where everyone and their mommas are armed to the teeth? Needless to say it doesn't end well for them.

Another peculiar sight was a group of purgers were gunned down by a guy in the back of a truck with a mini gun. And he also had some guys in black combat armor and gas masks riding with him. They had some military grade weapons and gear. Half the city was on fire at this point and screams can be heard everywhere. I also remember seeing guys in motor cycles and masks chasing these two people, a man and a woman. Man did it suck to be them.

We then finally arrived at the GameStop. Of course it was barricaded, but unbeknownst to them, I sabotaged the back a week earlier. I parked in an alley and equipped my M4 and machete. Richard armed himself with an AK-74. Sam for some reason armed himself with a bat that resembled a giant, purple dildo. "Sam, where the hell did you get that?" "I found it off a dead body next to that dumpster." "Whatever, let's make our way to the back."

When we got there, 5 reapers were waiting for us. The reapers wore red orange sweaters with hoods that were painted like skulls. They had a brilliant idea: Charge at us with bats and knives. I shot one of them in the head, splattering his brains all over his friend which I then shot him in the knees. Richard shot one in the heart and bashed the butt of his rifle on another one in the face, knocking him to the ground. He then beat his head until it was a bloody pulp.

Then the other guy I shot now of all times pulled out his gun, but before he could shoot, I sliced his arm off with my blade. He screamed as I then stuck the blade into his head. And I then turned around as I saw Sam beating the last reaper with the dildo bat, or as I called it the penetrator. The guy then started to beg us to stop. "Please stop, it was just part of an initiation, I'm sorry! "Just let me go, I won't do it again! "You're right, you won't." Bam! I shot him in the head, leaving a red mist. When it cleared, half of his skull was gone.

"All right, now that that's over with, let's load the PS4 and Arkham Knight and any other games we can get, go nuts!" "Yay!" both of them yelled before going inside, while I secured the back. They then got back with boxes with the games, including Arkham Knight, Berserk the game, and raging blast 3, Godzilla: Reign of monsters, and one of the most brutal games of this generation: My little pony: murder brawl… or so Richard says, and splatter house 2 and the ps4s. We then made our way back to the car across the street in the alley, but I made sure the coast was clear before we went. The coast was clear and we then made our way to the alley. We put the stuff in the trunk and got going. As I was driving out of the alley, we then made our way to a neighborhood, it didn't look well protected, and so I figured it was a lower class neighborhood. The same truck that I saw earlier was parked in front of one of the apartment buildings, and I quickly reversed and hid the car behind another building and we just wait it out.

While there, I heard a shotgun blast and some guy ranting about his right to purge and about the new founding fathers. I then heard him start yelling bring it on to those soldiers. Judging by the machine gun fire, he was dead. After a few minutes passed, I heard screaming and a woman and her daughter being dragged out. They were being dragged to the back of the truck. 'Just wait it out, it'll be over soon.' "Seth, let's help them." Richard told me. "Yeah we can be heroes, like pururin!" "No! Not happening!" "Come on, you're batman." "No, I'm not, batman!" "We could be your robins!" "Dibs on red hood! I call Batgirl!" Guess which one said it… Richard. "Remember, we don't play heroes!" But they eventually convinced me.

I then noticed an armored car and my neighbor from earlier step out of the car. He spotted me and I motioned for him to come to our position. When he got here I asked him if he was planning to intervene. "Yes, I can't just stand by." "All right I got a plan." "Sam, make your way to the other end of the street." "Right." Leo, you and I will make our way to them from the side." "Richard?" "Yeah" "Go get em". "Yay!"

He then charged the soldiers and they then subdued and started kicking him. Me and Leo then made our way to them. We counted seven of them. I took 3 to the right, while Leo took the other 4. The two that had the woman, I opened fire and killed them while they were distracted with Richard and the woman, saving them. Leo took out the other 4 with ease, saving the girl who I presumed was the daughter. The guy in the mini-gun, who apparently just heard all of this, came to check on the commotion. "What the fuck is going o-"before he could finish, Leo shot him in the face and he went down.

Leo went to check on the woman and her daughter while I went to check on Richard. "Are you ok?" "I think so" "Man that hurt." I then motioned Sam to come over here. "Sam, finish that guy off." I pointed to the guy in the truck. Sam then went up to him and beat his brains in with the bat. Needless to say, he got one of the shittiest deaths I can imagine.

"So are you guys going to be ok?" I asked the woman and her daughter. "Thank you." "You're welcome, and thank him too. "And you too sir." "Don't mention it." He then motioned for them to follow him. The daughter asked me something. "Are you with the resistance fighters?" "No, we just happened to be nearby." "Good luck." I told her before Richard, Sam and I made our way back to the jeep. We stumbled upon another purger near the bat mobile.

I shot him in the chest and stabbed him in the heart. "All right let's go." We then drove off and saw another truck coming. It shot at Leo and the others vehicle, but it was able to withstand it. They were also being chased by a van and two guys riding motorcycles. One of them was killed by the machine gun fire and the others drove off. Unfortunately, while we were driving back, our car then started to break down. I then parked it in the side of the street.

"Fuck!" "How did this- but then It hit me. That fucking piece of shit was messing with it while were saving that family. "Of course, that purger fucked up the bat mobile." "We're gonna have to go on foot." "Aw, what about the stuff?" "Hold on a minute, I'll take the duffel bags with weapons." We put ammo and whatever we could into our back packs, and initiated lock down mode on the jeep. "Don't worry guys, it'll take a lot to get in this bad boy and I set up some contingencies in case someone tries to break in." "Well ok." "All right guys, let's go."

I can't believe I let them talk me into that. God I was so stupid. Whatever, what's done is done. We then made our way to the banking district. Some fat woman kept rambling about how God approves of this and how she's his messenger. It was tempting to shoot her, but I didn't want to waste my bullets. While she had her back turned, we made our way to the other side and made our way across the street. We then kept going down until we stumbled upon another one of those trucks. But this time, those soldiers were all dead. And I then saw a symbol on the wall. It had the NFFA logo but it was crossed out. At least someone hates their guts. Then I see Leo and the mother and daughter along with the man and woman from earlier with him.

"So you boys did this?" "I wish, but no." "What happened to your Jeep?" "Some purger sabotaged it." The man then said: "You too?" "Yes." "It happened to me and my wife too." "They sabotaged our car and chased us." Leo then said: "Anyway we're headed somewhere safe, so if you want to join, you're more than welcome to. "All right we're in." "But let's stock up on weapons in the truck." We then made our way into the truck. We stocked up and machine guns and pistols. We then saw something, traffic cameras. Usually only the government is allowed to access these. Wait a minute of course. I heard of these government death squads and I think I encountered those years earlier, but I thought they were just mercs sent by some rich ass holes to weed out a ghetto or something like that. A transmission was also playing. "Truck 3 respond, Truck 3 respond, what's going on?

We then made our way out and through an alley passing by a building. Everyone then introduced themselves. "I'm Shane." "I'm Liz." The mother and daughter introduced themselves as Eva and Cali. Richard and well Pururin introduced themselves as well. "Fine, I'm Seth." "Can we just cut the introductions and keep moving?" Cali then asked: "Puru what? "Yes Cali, he literally changed his name to Pururin." But ho- "come on, once a year for 12 hours you can murder, rape and do whatever you want without any consequence, and you're questioning this?" "Well ok I guess?"

we're interrupted as we stumbled on a guy who was strung up and had a sign on him reading: Here hangs Warren Grass. He stole our pensions, we stole his life. I said "He was probably a wall street banker." "If you ask me, they all have it coming." We kept moving through another alley. Leo and I then saw a gang executing their victims. One was getting stabbed and another was being curb stomped. I then noticed a rat crawling to Liz. Predicting she was probably going to scream, I quickly covered her mouth right when she opened it to scream. Good thing I did, otherwise she would have brought those guys down on us.

When the coast was clear, we then made our way into the subway which was a shortcut to Eva's friend's house. As we made our way down, Cali tried to question Leo about his intent for revenge and tried to talk him out of it. He refused to listen. We spotted some homeless hiding out. We then heard motors running. Several vehicles were coming from the entrance.

Richard then said: "Oh look, their racing! Sam then said: "No, they're gonna give us presents and show us magic!" I then yelled:"Ruuunnnnn! We then ran off and the homeless then got out of their hiding spot and followed. They were dropping like flies, whether by machine guns or flamethrowers. Shane and Liz shot at them and blew up a propane tank on one of the cars making one of them light in flames and crash, blocking the others.

As soon as we got out, I noticed I was shot in the shoulder. It stung like hell, but we were almost there. We just crossed the street and made our way to the back of the apartment building. Eva's friend then opened up. "Eva, thank God you're all right, and who are these people?" "4 of them saved me and Cali and the other 2 tagged along." "All right come on in." I thought we made it and we would just wait out the damn purge, but I was sadly mistaken. I'll continue as soon as I recall more of this God forsaken night and what else those 2 dumbshits got me into.

**Author's note: Well here's the 3rd chapter. I'll have chapter 4 by tomorrow or Monday. So leave a review and questions and thanks for reading.**


	4. Chapter 4

We were safe at last. Eva's friend let us in and we got settled. "Come on every one, drink eat." I refused to eat, I wasn't hungry and I was a little suspicious. She was being way too nice. I patched up Shane, told him he'll be fine and just go to a hospital the second the purge is over. I then went into a room and took off my helmet, vest and shirt to patch up my arm and shoulder. I was grazed on the arm and shot in the shoulder, but the bullet went through. It stung like hell but I'll live, so I patched myself up and left the room.

When I left the room, I along with Leo noticed Eva's friend taking pills and drinking wine. Not a good combination in my opinion. We decided to be cautious and joined the others in the living room. We were also joined by Tanya's father Jorge and her sister's husband Hector. I joined Sam and Richard on the sofa. "So you guys all right?" Sam said he's ok and Richard complained about me letting him get beat up by the army guys. So I used his stupidity against him, sue me. Anyways he was just fine.

Richard then told me: "Listen, I noticed Tanya and her sister arguing a little." "Yeah, so?" "Her sister's got a gun." "Shit, be ready for anything, I'll have mines ready, you too Sam." "Right". But then speak of the devil; Tanya's sister came with the gun pointed. "Get down!" We all got down as she opened fire. I ducked behind a counter and the others hid behind furniture.

"You're fucking my husband behind my back!? "You fucking slut! "Sonia please, I can explain!" but she just wouldn't listen. I then said, "Hey wide load!" "You're gonna attract every purger and death squads in the vicinity, just let this go!" "Shut up, I think I've had just about enough of you!" "Well you wouldn't be saying that if I came with fries and a medium drink." "You know medium as in the size between small and you!" Then Richard said;" I'm sorry about my friend he's a bit of an idiot. It's small, medium, large, extra-large, and extra extra large, then YOU!" Needless to say, she got pissed and kept shooting. Richard then made his way to the side of her and shot her in the head. Unfortunately, Sam was trying to sneak up on her and she fell on him. "Ayuda me! Ella se callo y no puedo levanter! Me and Richard both said; "What!?" "She's fallen and I can't get up!" "So my Spanish is a little rusty, sue me." It took some effort but we got her off.

"It isn't safe anymore." "We got to go, no doubt the gun shots attracted unwanted attention." The group reluctantly agreed and we made our way to the backdoor. Unfortunately the death squad showed up. I decided to stay and hold them off and Richard volunteered to help. Sam and Leo took the others to try to escape. We hid behind a dumpster and waited. They went inside and we followed. Richard took the ones inside the building while I took the ones patrolling outside. There were 5 of them. I opened fire while Richard simultaneously opened fire on his targets. 4 of them went down, and I shot the other guy in the knees. I then took out my berretta and shot him in the head.

I went to check on Richard. He was fine and I saw 7 of those guys on the floor. "Nice, you killed two more than me." "I got payback." Anyways let's check on the others. I hopped the fence but one of those motor cycle guys from earlier tried to jump me. He had white paint on his face and a grey sweater. I dodged and sweep kicked him. I then took out my knife and stabbed him in the head. I then noticed the group being loaded onto the van. Before I could give chase, they were already gone. "What are gonna do now?!" "Don't worry, I prepared for this." We got into the truck and I started driving. "You see, I had a tracker implanted in yours and Sam's combat armors and weapons." "Since Sam is still wearing his, I can track him." "Nice and at least you didn't give us anal probes instead." I just stayed silent. "Wait, you didn't, did you?" "Well, when you two were sleeping, I had those installed." "What!? "What the fuck! "Relax I'm just screwing with you." "Oh good, I have enough of those to go around." I looked at him and said "I think the less I know about this the better."

"All right we're here." It was an auction house. We parked the truck and made our way to the back. The others were being taken to the auction floor along with the guard. Those punks who took them collected their pay and were about to leave. Richard then took out a rubber chicken and charged two of them while I took on the guy in the "God" mask. He tried to throw a punch, but I intercepted and twisted his wrist. I then kneed him in the stomach. He went down and clutched his stomach in pain. One of the others charged at me, but I slit his throat with my triangle blades on one of my gauntlets.

The other two were on the floor, with their heads beaten in. "So did you stomp on their heads or something?" "Nope, I beat them with this rubber chicken." "Well what was in it?" "My cooking." "What the- just secure the area while I have a little chat with our "friend" here. I then brought him to the side of his van. "So what is all of this?" "I'm not telling you shit." I then took his hand and grasped it. Then I broke his finger.

"Ah! "Fuck!" "I'll ask you again, what is all of this?" "Fuck you!" I broke another finger after that. "AH, FUCKING STOP!" "You have 8 more fingers for me to break; I suggest you tell me what I want to know." "I'm not telling you shit!" "Fine then." I took out my machete and decided to cut his stomach open. "Ahhh!" "Oh God!" "You fucking psychopath!" "That's cute coming from the guy who kidnaps and terrorizes people." "Just tell me and I might stitch you back up." "Ok, I'll tell you!" "We kidnap people and sell them." They're then auctioned on to be sold for the hunting grounds."

"I swear that's all I know." He started breaking down and crying. "Well, thank you for being cooperative." I then shot him in both legs and broke his hands. "Stop!" "Aw, do you have a booboo?" "Let's give you an anesthetic." Richard and I then beat his face until he was unconscious. Needless to say, he wasn't gonna score with the ladies anytime soon. I then took out his intestines and decorated a nearby tree with them. Boy was he in for a shock if he comes to, oh and we took their money. We then made our way to the auction. We saw Sam and the others on the stage. "This lot is fresh off the street." "The bidding will begin at 1,200$." "We have Mr. and Mrs. Johnson of course." "Then there are the prior sisters and their signature blades." "Umm Richard, isn't that one of the crazy chick you cheated on?" "It's not my fault they were twins!" "It was a guy!"

"Next we have Mr. Garrick and his two sons in their first purge ever." "Anyone else?" "Ok purgers please suit up." "We'll see you shortly on the hunting grounds." "Ok Richard, you cut the power." "What are you gonna do?" "I'm going hunting."

When they all left into their safe room, I snuck my way into the hunting grounds. The group was huddled up and Leo decided to kill the hunters. I motioned to him and signaled to proceed with the killing. The first ones to die were Mr. Johnson and his wife. Leo got Mr. Johnson in a chokehold. Before the Mrs. could react I stabbed her in the back with the machete. Leo broke Mr. Johnson's neck, making that satisfying crack. Our next target was Garrick and his dipshit sons. I covered one of their mouths with my hands and slit his throat. Leo tackled the father to the ground and shot him in the head with the gun he obtained from Mr. Johnson. The other son tried to shoot me, but I used his brother as a meat shield and threw the corpse at him.

He tried to lift the corpse off, but I shot him in the head with my silenced pistol. Now it was down to the sisters. One of them ambushed Leo, but he could handle himself. The other one went for me with her blade, but I countered with mine. Before she could slash me, I cut her leg and stabbed her in the stomach. She went down and I decapitated her. The other one was on the ground beaten and trying to reach her machete, but Leo curb stomped her. We then got back with the group. I saw the assholes holed up on the top floor, looking terrified. The old bitch then called for reinforcements. The lights went on and we armed everyone. Shane asked what we are going to do. I told him; "Any second now, the power will go out."

Next thing you know, the power went out. 'Good job Richard.' And then we put on our night vision goggles and I spotted one guard coming from behind us. I shot him before he could put his gun up. I peeked around the corner and saw there was a fuck ton of guards heading our way.

Shane then started talking to his wife and apologizing. "Look babe, I'm so sorry for this, I love y- "Can we save this lovey dovey bullshit when we're out of here!? But then all of a sudden there was an explosion. "Warning, there is a security breach. We then heard gunfire coming from the corridor in the back of us. Then the power was back on. Then these men came in with green combat fatigues and AK 47s. They started pushing back the security forces and one of them came to greet us, a young black male with dog tags. Cali then asked him if he was with the resistance. "I'm with some others who don't necessarily agree with the purge. Your friend here pointed us towards here.

"Hi guys!" Richard then showed up and greeted us. "Good job Richard, you did well." "Yay!" "Now let's get out of here." Liz and Shane then said; "No, we're staying." "Yeah, we're gonna purge." "All right suit yourselves love birds. Then an older black male came in. "This is our time now!" "Now it is your blood being spilled." "Now let's see how you like being on the short end of the stick!" "Tonight, we fight back!" Cali and the leader had a little hear to heart. "We are outraged by the purge as well". "What she means is we hate the rich too, go nuts and viva la revolution. "Nice to meet you too young lady, now go." Then me, Leo, Sam, Richard, and Cali and Eva went out. "Sam then said; "Hold on, I'm gonna go get something." "All right make it quick." We made our way to the garage and spotted the old bitch and some other guy trying to leave.

Bang! I shot the other guy in the leg. She stopped. "Well hello Madame, going somewhere?" "Please don't kill me!" "Ok, just tell us where you keep the money and I won't kill you." "Ok it's where- "Hey guys, I got money!" We then spotted Sam with duffel bags full of money. "All right, I guess I won't kill you." "Oh thank God." "But my friend here will." "No! "Please, you said- "I said I won't kill you." "I didn't make any promises about him." "Richard then pulled out the penetrator in one hand and the rubber chicken in another. Eva covered Cali's eyes, Leo and I looked away while Sam loaded the money into one of the cars.

I heard a scream and then a squishy noise. I looked and her skull was caved in. I would normally be grossed out, but after watching and episode of Boku no Pico, nothing fazes me anymore. we loaded the car with our remaining weapons and the money. "One hour until the purge is over." "Anything you guys want to do?" Leo then said; "Yes, take me to this address." "All right, let's go."

**Author's note: Hey guys, hope you enjoyed the story so far, thanks for reading and leave a review. Any questions and suggestions, message me or leave a review and if you spot the married with children reference, you're a winner and the next chapter should be here by friday or saturday, i'm taking a small break.**


	5. Chapter 5

We drove into this neighborhood. Leo got his MP5 ready. "He drove 3 times over the legal limit, but he got off on a technicality." "Now he's living happily ever after with his wife and kids." I said; "So how you gonna get in?" "It looks pretty secure." "A week earlier I sabotaged his back barricade." Cali and Eva tried to talk him out of it, but he refused to listen. "We can't just let him do this, please; one of you has to stop him." Richard said; "Nope, he scares me." I said; "Cali, he already made his choice, and I got no say in the matter, all we can hope for is he makes it quick." "Sam or puru whatever, can't you do something?" Sam then said; "Ok, I'll stop him with the magic of friendship, Away!"

I then said; "Puru- Sam!" Richard then shouted; "Pururin!" "Noooooooooooo! He then snuck into the back. We heard some shouting. It went on for a few minutes. But then Leo and Sam came outside. Richard and I stepped out of the car. "So what happened in there?" "Well, your friend convinced me not to and I forgave him." "How'd he convince you?" "You seemed dead on about killing this guy." "Well, he tried to talk me out of it, but I still wanted to." "He then took out this wand and said some words I don't understand and started doing this weird dance and I found it pathetic, But it was pretty touching and I decided to forgive the guy and apologized. "

"And then he broke down and asked me to forgive him and I did." "Well then let's go- Bang! Before I could finish, I heard a gunshot and I felt a sting in my arm. We all ran for cover and I spotted more of those government soldiers. There were 8 of them. We exchanged fire and I shot one of them in the head, killing them instantly. The other guy I shot him in the shoulder and neck area.

Sam opened fire with his AR-15 and killed 2 others. Richard then killed another pair of them with his AK. Leo finished off another pair. We checked our surroundings for anymore. There wasn't any other coming. "Well that was- before I could finish, I heard a burst of machine gun fire. I then saw the other guy that I shot. I went up to him and right when he reloaded, I emptied my clip into the fucker's head.

I then felt a sharp stinging pain in my chest and abdomen. I looked down and I saw I was shot. I had 5 or more bullet holes in me. I got dizzy and I collapsed. My ears were ringing and my vision was blurry as hell. I kept drifting in and out of conscience. No, this can't be. I can't just die like this. This is just a joke, I'll wake up, and this is all just one shitty dream, right? Oh who am I kidding, this is it. 'Mom, dad I'm sorry about this, I love you. 'Vicky, I know we fought and bickered and even threatened to kill you on purge nights, but you're still my sis and I love you'. 'Kristy, I'm sorry'. 'I remember when we first met, at the seminar before the semester began'. 'When you asked me for directions to the seminar and we walked together and talked and hit it off'. 'I even remember when on our 1st date when we did at your place when your ex was moving his shit and before he came back, we did it on his bed and he kept crying why you were doing this.'

'Of course I just kept going '. When I came out, he was crying like a bitch. Best night of my life, I drank, partied, had great sex, and made your ex cry all in one night, great times. 'Sam, Richard I know I insulted, ridiculed and tried to kill you once, but you guys are my best friends'. More than that, you're the dumb little brothers I never had.' 'Sure you got me into some bad shit, and talked me into playing hero, I'm honored to call you friends.' 'Damn shame I couldn't say all of this while I was still alive, but I guess I was too busy being pissed at you two, but thanks for putting up with me.' 'I guess this is good bye'.

I then saw a bright light. I guess this is the one mom always talked about. I walked towards it. Now where do I start? I saw what I assume is heaven. It was a golden city. And the floor was soft and looked like clouds. More or less like everyone imagined heaven. A figure came to greet me. For some reason he was wearing a chicken costume and looked a lot like Ben Stein. "Are you Seth Williams Conroy?" "That's me. "Aren't you Ben Stein?" "Umm no, but I get that a lot." "So what's with the get up?"

"Well, I was a mascot for the chickens in 1996". "I had this great bit where I sat on someone's head as if I was laying an egg." "But one day I sat on this bald guy's head, and he didn't like it." "He then shot me in the face 5 times." "Damn, that sucks, so what happens now?" "Well I take you to Judgement city". "We would usually send you to hell straight away, but due to your recent heroics, you gained a hearing".

On the way, I saw a lot of religious deities, from Zeus, Buddha, and a bunch of others partying and other stuff. We eventually made our way to the courthouse. I then stepped inside the lobby. "All right just you wait until your name is called." "All right thanks." It took a while, but I was eventually called.

Most of the jury consisted of angels; at least that's what I assume. "All rise for the creator." And there he was, the big man upstairs everyone talks about. 'Oh boy, I hope my attorney can stand up to God.' Quack! What the? "Seth Conroy?" "I'm your attorney, Alf Lack quackers." 'Huston, we have a problem.

"On the charges of murder, maiming and robbery, how does the defendant plead?" "Guilty, but in my defense, they all deserved it." "I mean, they were bidding on the homeless to be hunted, and kidnapped people and those death squad guys were going around killing people as well." "I see, but you still did the crimes." "Look, just do whatever you have to, just get it over with." "Hold on, I'm not done." "But, you also risked your life for others." "No denying that, well that and my friends convinced me to do so." "And in your assault on the auction house, many other captives were set free." "Well I didn't know about that, but hey more power to them." "I see." "We're at odds about your fate." "I will take my council and your attorney and we will discuss what to do with you." Then things started to blur and my chest started to sting. 'What the hell's happening?' I then saw myself on earth. Richard and Pururin were trying to revive me. Pururin was waving a wand around and saying some spell while Richard was shocking me with electric eels. "Live Damn it!" He kept shouting that the whole time and then security kicked the crap out of him and escorted Pururin out.

I was then back in Heaven. I was still in the court room. Then Jesus and Mr. Quackers came out of the room. Jesus then told me; "Well, I was able to convince my father to give you two options: Hell or Resurrection." "You get resurrection for your good deeds." "Ok, bring me back and thanks." "And lead a good life; don't participate in the purge unless you have a good or noble reason." "I won't, look what that got me." "And thank ". "He too had a role in the ultimatum." "Thanks Mr. Quackers." "Quack!" "Don't mention it hoss."

Next thing I know, there was a flash of light and blackness. I then woke up in the hospital. 'Whether that was a hallucination or not, I really don't give a shit at this moment, I'm just glad to be alive.' "Seth!" "You're alive!" 'Almost.' "Hey guys, so how's everything?" "We're good, so what do we do about the bat mobile and the stuff?" "Just hand me my PDA". He got it out.

"Anyways, Sam just follow the GPS and you'll find it and bring it back". "Got it". Richard then said: "So anything else?" "Just leave my phone with me." "And how long was I out?" "You were out for a week." "A week?" 'I could've sworn all of that was an hour or less.' "Whatever, just go get our shit". "All right, see you later". A nurse then came in. "You have three more visitors, they say they know you." "All right let them in." Cali, Eva, and Leo came in to the room. Eva then said; "Thank God you're ok, you were hurt bad." "Yeah, you could thank him." Cali then handed me my helmet. "I was able to save it." "Aw, thanks kid." "So are you two going to be ok?" "Yeah, we just received 100,000$ this morning so we'll be fine for now." "That's good to hear, and if you need some more, we stole millions more last night so just ask." "Thanks, but we're good for now."

Leo then told me all about what happened inside that house. "I'm real thankful to your friend; he prevented me from doing something I would regret". "Well, more power to you and you're a better man than I am, I would've killed him without a second thought". I then made a few calls, to my folks and my sister, letting them know I was ok. The doctor then came in and told me all about my "miracle" recovery. I was dead for a minute but thanks to them and Richard's eels I kept coming in and out and then held steady. "Sir, you were just barely holding on."

"No I wasn't doc; those idiots just wouldn't let me go." "Well, you should be out in a few days, and just take these pills for the pain". "All right, thanks doc, but go treat someone else, I can imagine you're pretty busy these past few days". "Oh you have no idea." He left the room. I rested for a bit after that.

A few hours later, Kristy came in to see me. She was pretty pissed, but I love that glare in her eyes when she is. She then punched me across the face. "Ow! What was that for?" "You scared me, I thought I lost you." "Don't worry; it'll take a lot more than this just to do me in." She then leaned in and kissed me. "And that's for?" "For surviving." "Oh, and I got something for you." She then handed me a Jack Daniels. "Oh I could definitely use this after this fucking night". I then swallowed my pill and took a sip of the bottle. "So anyway, there's a movie screening in a few minutes in the hospital, but I'm not sure if it's your type of movie, but it'll mean a lot to me if you see it with me". "Babe, I've been shot to death and saw an episode of Boku No Pico, nothing fazes me anymore". "Ok, it's 50 shades of Grey." Before I could reply, my mouth felt numb and I couldn't speak. 'Oh God no'! 'Please'! "Ok, let's go." She loaded me into the wheel chair and what followed was the most traumatizing 3 hours of my life.

It should've been just 1 and a half hour, but the hospital had the director's cut. They even included the knife and needles scene. If you're wondering, the less you know the better. After a week of suppressing my memory and recovery, I finally got out of the hospital and went home. The place was great and I finally got to enjoy our new ps4s and the bills were set for a long while, so in the end everything worked out well, and I heard from unofficial sources the government death squads suffered heavy casualties this year. Serves those douchebags right.

Anyways, I'm probably not purging again for a long while.

**Author's note: Thanks for reading and leave a review and I'll take a break for now but I have a few ideas I'll dig into when I resume the story and a special in mind, like the revolution and us holing up in camp crystal lake and running into you know who, and if you have some ideas, leave them in the reviews or message me and I'll keep them in mind. Oh and if you spot the Christopher Titus Joke and Married with Children reference, you're a winner.**


	6. Chapter 6

1 month after the purge:

I was discharged from the hospital with some stitches for my bullet wounds. i just had to take some meds as well, and no alcohol mixed with it since it ended so well for me last time. Fuck you E.L. James! Anyways everything was going pretty damn good. I decided to get a dog from the local shelter, a Rottweiler German shepherd mix. I named him dog meat after the dog in fallout 3, still a good game, and I'll never forget when I picked him out. Richard and Sam came along to the shelter to help pick the dog.

One of the volunteers was hesitant to open the kennel for some reason. "Are you sure sir? It has a history of aggression." "Don't worry its fine; I'm sure I can tame the beast." Richard then said "can we not, I don't think he likes me." The dog was growling a bit at him in particular. Sam then said "Come on dude, look at him, he's adorable." We then got him into the play area, and he was surprisingly calm and playful… until he bit Richard's hand. "OW! He bit me!" I then looked at the volunteer. "We'll take him."

After we got home with him, I trained him and he was just fine. He doesn't even attack Richard and even started liking him… unless on my command of course. And another note, I discovered Richard's weakness. One time, he startled me when I was carrying coffee, and I spilled it. I got pretty pissed and punched him in the titty. "Ow, my titty!" "What the hell, Why!? "Cause you made me spill my coffee! Whatever just don't do that again."

And another thing, Carmelo's resistance gained more members. He must be real serious about taking on the new founding fathers. Personally, I don't care I'll just remain neutral. Eventually Kristy moved in and gave the place a woman's touch. It wasn't half bad and also things are good between us. And I have to say those cookies she makes are just great.

10 months went by, things were going as usual, and bills are just laughable since our new wealth, the one good thing that came out of that fucking night, and the ps4s and games, and yes it did feel nice being a hero for once, even though those two nitwits bugged me into it. Now after I bought a ring Kristy was eyeing one time, I noticed something weird when I got home. The fence was open for some reason. I proceeded with caution and I caught someone messing with my barricades in the back. I got curious so I snuck up behind him and held him in a chokehold until he was unconscious.

I got a look at him and holy Jesus; it's that same guy, that one in the mask with God in the forehead who I could've sworn was dead. I drug him into the basement and hung him upside down and I got my tools ready. He's going to talk, one way or the other. Before I could wake him up, I heard Kristy walking into the house so I duct taped his mouth shut and locked the basement behind me. I then greeted her with a kiss and how was your day, you know the usual stuff. "Is there something wrong?" "No, I just ran into an old friend from high school. We couldn't talk much though, he was too busy and so we decided to catch up later". "Oh, all right. I'm gonna shower, you want to join?" "If I ever say no to that question in any situation that isn't life threatening, there's a magnum under my pillow, use it on me."

So after that, Richard and Sam came home from their jobs 2 hours later. Sam was a computer technician, and Richard is a "Hippo Hunter".

I then made enchiladas and we continued enjoying our new ps4's. Arkham Knight and Berserk are beastly games, and Richard took a liking to my little pony: Fighting is magic. I have to say pretty violent surprisingly for a my little pony game. And it's pretty decent too. Not as good as Arkham Knight or Berserk, but still quite good. Anyways after They both went to bed, I told Kristy I had some paper work to get done and she went to bed. I then made my way to the basement and locked the door.

Seeing the sleeping bastard I poked him gently to wake him up. Of course that didn't work so I did it again. Didn't work, it was then I lost patience and began slapping him...like a lot. "RISE AND SHINE! UP AND AT E'M! WAKE UP!" After the third slap he woke up. "WHAT THE HELL!? LET ME GO!" He screamed like a little girl, compelling me to slap him again. "I will, after you tell me what you were doing back there." "I can't say." "Ok, I'll ask nicely again, why were you back there?" "FUCK YOU!" "Ok then, before I torture you, how did you survive?"

"What are you talking about?" "The auction house? You were being disemboweled?" he looked at me with a shocked expression. "How did you know about that!?" "I'll be right back". I then went to retrieve my Arkham Knight helmet upstairs. I then went back down and put it on. "How about now?" "OH GOD! SOMEBODY HELP! LET ME OUT OF HERE YOU PSYCHO!"

"That's cute coming from the guy who kidnapped people for the wealthy to be hunted." "That night it was legal!" "So how did you survive?" "I was barely able to get my intestines back in and an ambulance took me to a hospital and they had to stitch me up." "Well, looks like the good lord was looking over you that night, but he's sitting this one out." I then blindfolded him and got a blowtorch, a Popsicle, and a piece of steak.

I fired up the torch. I then took off the blindfold. He looked at me with a scared look. "What's the torch for?" I then gave him a look. "What the fuck do you think? But I'll enlighten you anyway. You probably think it's gonna burn, but that isn't the case. It's at 2000 degrees Marvin. Can I call you that by the way? It's enough to turn steel into butter. It won't hurt at first, it's too hot. The flame sears the nerve endings shut, killing them. You'll go into shock and all you feel is cold.

Isn't science fun Marvin?" I then poked him with a scalpel. "AAH! I don't know shit". "You'll smell burning meat, and then… then it'll hurt." "I SWEAR I'M TELLING THE TRUTH!" I then burned the meat to give the smell and then I poked his back with the Popsicle. "AAAHHH! AAAHHH! SON OF A BITCH! AAAHHH! FUCK! OH MY GOD!" I then kept poking him.

**(Richard's P.O.V)** Richard here, folks, and I'm gonna tell you about the night I found out I lived with an even bigger psycho than me. I mean holy crap, I noticed most of the time since the last purge he was too nice. And I'm talking serial killer nice. The only time he was a meanie was when he punched me in the titty and when he would sic dog meat on me and chase me onto a tree, but other than that he's been treating me and Sam nicer than usual. Something just doesn't feel right. Anyways tonight went well, I was sleeping like a baby until I heard screaming coming from the basement. Pururin was awake too. "Should we call the police?" "Let's stay out of it, he's a very scary man, and that's just when he's in a good mood." "He's killing someone and we're next!" "You mean you're next." He then slammed the door on me. "No Pururin, wait!" Oh crap, what do I do? Oh wait, Kristy! Maybe she can calm him down! I went up to her room, and all she did was slap me and told me to fuck off and go to sleep and if I wake her up again, she'll castrate me and turn my foreskin into a wallet, So typical Tuesday.

So I decided to go down there myself, armed with two of my rubber chickens. Master J would be so proud. I went down into the basement. When I opened the door to the room the first thing I do is kick open the door screaming "RULES OF NATURE!" But end of tripping and smacked Seth with one of the chickens, making him trip and actually hit the guy with the torch. He then got up, held me to the wall with a knife to my neck. I then proceed to do what I do all the time. I screamed in my best Aqua Man voice: "NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

He then scolded me. "You're pathetic, you know that?" "You're not the first person to say that. First was my mom, my brothers, my dad, the police, the counselor, the nerds, every girl in school, the list goes on." Hey, is that the guy from the last purge?" "Yep, that's him. I then went up to him and punched him in the dick. I just like doing that to people I don't like. Before i can go further, there was a knock on the door. He then taped the guy's mouth shut. "Don't move, if you do I'll-

5 seconds later:

"You're fucked up!" "Just don't do anything, got it!?" "Yes Ma'am!" He then slapped me. "I mean sir!" "That's a good boy." He then went upstairs.

**(Seth's P.O.V)** I then went upstairs. Two officers greeted me at the door. "Hello sir, we're investigating screams that were happening around here, would you know anything about that?" "Well, I'm adjusting the stereo and a horror movie marathon was on, so sorry about that." "Oh, ok just keep it down and have a good night." "You too officers." "Hey Seth what do we do about- "Fly!" I then punched Richard's titty. "My titty!" "Sorry officers, a fly was bothering me all day." "That's ok, just keep the noise down." Well that was close.

"Why did you do that?!" "Do what?" "WHY DID YOU PUNCH ME IN THE TITTY!?" "One, I told you to stay in there, and two, you were about to tell them about the guy downstairs like your idiotic ass would have!" "I was asking what you wanted to do for the picnic tomorrow you dick!" "And that couldn't wait for when I got back?!" "I had to fight a bear for this basket, and I get to talk about when I feel like it!" "Fucking weirdo, and no you nitwit, you talk about it when I'm done dealing with the fucking police! Got it!?" "NO! PICNIC, NOW! Do you want chicken or fish sandwiches?" "Chicken, now fuck off!" "Chicken it is." He then walked to the kitchen forgetting about the guy downstairs. I honestly don't know how that guy has a 300 I.Q. Pururin then came out with his wand and tried to "save" Richard...but tripped on the stairs and fell down...he offered him a sandwich at the bottom. "Fish would be good."

Fucking idiots, but I still love them like brothers. "Oh hey dog meat." I noticed my dog and I pet him. He followed me downstairs and I proceeded to resume my "interview" with Marvin. "Now where were we?" I then ripped the tape off his mouth. "JUST LET ME GO PLEASE!" Deeply touched by his plight, I slapped him again. "Oh that's right." I then resumed heating the meat and poking him. It went on for a few minutes.

**(Richard's P.O.V)** I was making our sandwiches when Kristy came downstairs. "What's with the sandwiches?" "Oh i got hungry and felt like a picnic and it's relaxing after watching Seth torture a dude. "What?" "Oh forget about what I just said and it's definitely not going on in the basement, so ignore that." She then started going to the basement. Seth's gonna beat me with a stick for that.

**(Seth's P.O.V)** I heard Kristy calling me. Shit she's coming down. I covered Marvin's mouth with duct tape again. "Dog meat; go distract your mommy, ok?" Unfortunately he went to her but he just laid on his side. "Oh hi, babe, what are you doing?" "What's this about you torturing a guy?" "What're you talking about?" "Richard mentioned something about that." "Oh come on, it's Richard. The idiot's probably on his stash".

"Then what're you doing down here?" "I told you paperwork." "Bull shit, there's something else going on." "Look, you're just sleepy, just go back to bed; I'll take you for a nice breakfast tomorrow, ok?" She then shoved me to the side and went down. "Aw crap." Needless to say, she wasn't very happy. She then gave me a glare. It meant one of 2 things. Either I'm getting steamy, angry sex or I'm going to have my balls shoved down my throat. Unfortunately It looked like i'm gonna get the latter. "WHAT THE HELL!? "Look, he was sabotaging the back barricade and I'm trying to find out why." "Well you couldn't give him to the fucking police?!"

"Look, I'm close and this will all be taken care of by tomorrow, I promise." "Fine, but you owe me more than breakfast, got it?!" "Ok, I'll carry you upstairs back to our room." "That's a start." I then picked her up bridal position. I carried her upstairs and laid her on our bed. I then gave her a kiss. "Good night babe." "Don't think you're off the hook yet." I then went down to the basement again. I continued heating up the meat and poking him with the Popsicle. "You hear that, I'm burning off some of your fat." I then heard a muffle. I took off the tape. "Ok I'll tell you, anything you want to know, just please stop!" "That's a good girl." "Ok, I didn't get his name but he has some beef with you. Something about you stealing his true love or some weird bullshit like that. He paid me 10 grand to do this; I swear that's all I know." "Did he happen to be blonde?" "Yeah, he had one of those fancy gelled up cuts, id on't know." and I then poked him one last time for giggles.

"Fuck! For the love of Go- before he could finish, I put the Popsicle in his mouth. I then let him down. "Listen, I'm gonna let you go, but not right now. I'm gonna bring you some food and water, tomorrow we'll drop you off and you never mention this again, and if you come back, purge or no purge I'll (Redacted) "Ok I swear I won't, but God that's just messed up." I then brought him a sandwich and some water. I then left him in the basement.

"Oh and sorry about the torture, but you did try to get me killed so we're even." I then went to bed. In the morning, we had breakfast and Kristy and the others went to work, while I went to help train Cali and Eva to shoot and other tactics. It went well, and we caught up. They were able to get in a better place thanks to the money Eva's father left her since the last purge. They offered to pay me for the classes, but I told e'm it's fine, free of charge.

Anyways, I knew who Marvin was referring to. I remember now, he was Kristy's ex who I wound up making cry after I rode her like a bus to screw Ville while he was moving his stuff out. I think it was Harvey or some other douche rich boy name, I don't know. She told me he was getting crazy stalker-ish, so she broke it off with him and he fucked off… or so I thought. Looks like something big is coming my way on purge night. I'll be ready though. I'll let everyone know about the situation. I swear psychos and killers just love me.

Anyways, I headed back home after my errands the same time as Kristy and I let her know I'm taking Marvin out of here. Thankfully she forgave me for last night and I told her I'll take her for a nice dinner later. She then told me; "Seth, can you do me a favor?" "What?" "Can you tell Richard I'm sorry about last night? I'm just cranky when I wake up. "What did you do?" "Well, he tried to tell me about what you were doing and I didn't believe him, so I slapped him and told him the next time he woke me up, I'd turn his foreskin into a wallet." After hearing this, I gave her a big hug and a kiss. "That's my girl. Listen, I found something out from Marvin and I'll explain the situation later." "All right, just don't kidnap anyone else." "All right."

Anyways Richard then got home along with Sam and at around 7:00 pm, I loaded Marvin into the car and Richard decided to come along. While we were driving, Richard asked me if I was going purging again; "Nope, not after last year. It was a miracle I survived. That was a sign from God that I should fuck off from purging again." "Dude, that's ridiculous. If he hated purging so much, he would have struck you and every other purger down since the beginning, and that's if there even is one." "Look, I'm telling you that was a fucking miracle, no denying it." He then looked at Marvin in the backseat. "Dude, what do you make of all of this?" "Look I don't even have an opinion." "Well you got to have an opinion, I mean do you think God came down from heaven and -BANG! "AAH! He shot me!" "What the fuck's happening? Why the fuck did you do that?" "I didn't do this, I swear." "Oh man, I've seen some crazy ass shit in my time, but this puts the icing on the fucking cake, you know that?"

"Look, dude a sniper was tailing us for a while, ok?" "Oh right, and I'm the king of England." "You are?!" "No, you moron it's sarcasm!" Marvin then yelled; "Just get us out before- BANG! "AAH! Another shot grazed Marvin's head. Before I can think, there was a blockade of black SUVS in the street. A man in a green suit and a plumbers hat came out and said; "We are here to avenge our boss, Mario!" Before I can even take in the whole situation, Richard stepped on the foot of the gas and we high tailed it into the blockade and ran him over.

As soon as we were safe, I then questioned Richard about that cluster fuck. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?" "Something happened a few weeks back." "Please enlighten me, I want to know." "I killed their boss Mario." "Why would you do that? How!? "Well, he looked at me funny. So I ran him over." "So by your idiot logic, I should probably kill you tens of hundreds of times already!" "If you did that, then who's paying the rent, and I get Pururin to do it as well so, Ha!" I then punched him in the titty. "My titty! How much are you gonna keep doing that!?"

"Until you stop doing stupid shit and quit getting me into this shit! Look, I'm gonna call a friend nearby and he'll help us with the situation." I then called Dmitri Reznov. He's former spetznaz and the guy who trained me when I wanted to go purging. It was hell but damn did it save my life several times and thanks to him, I have a high pain tolerance, and high endurance.

Oh and is a Russian mob lieutenant with plenty of connections. So I gave him a call and we met up at one of his safe houses. His guys then looked into "Mario" and conveniently they had beef with that particular mob family and the Don that Richard killed. They rewarded Richard with drinks and 50 million dollars. And Dmitri agreed to have the matter taken care of and we caught up on things. Most of organized crime in North America was wiped out during the purges and increased police crackdowns and only The Russians and Italians were left.

So we won't have to worry about the guys that were chasing us. I also patched up Marvin and dropped him off at the hospital and I paid him off to keep quiet about the recent events and lie to his employer about my barricades. We then got home, I took Kristy to dinner and then when we got home, I told everyone about the situation. "I don't suppose you remember his name, do you?" Kristy didn't remember his name, but she knew him. Sam and Richard then asked; "So what do we do?" Sam then suggested; "I know, my magic should do the trick… or we can blow his fucking head off." "Now that sounds better. I say let him come. He'll just die like the other psychos I dealt with during my previous purges." They then asked about my previous purges. "Back when I was a freshman, that's when I started.

I just suck to looting, but I had my share of run ins with gangs, killers sadists and the rest of the worst of humanity and to be honest, I did play hero once, but not for free. I saved this guy from his patients' families. He calls himself "Pops" for some reason and apparently he killed too many of his patients and he lost his license. I told him go fuck himself, but he agreed to pay me and well, I was short on cash and I didn't want to bother dad about it so I was inclined to agree.

We holed up in one of his brother's place who was on vacation at the time. His patients' family members tracked us and I had to fight them off. When the 5 minutes before the purge was over, the reward turned out to be bullshit until I roughed him up. I broke a few fingers and was about to take one of his eyes until he gave up and pointed to his brother's savings. But before I went, I told him he also owes me a favor when the time comes. Of course he laughed and said what I will do if he refuses. I kept tabs on him until the next purge; I found his house and took out his guards. I made my way to his bedroom and he was asleep with some woman. When she went to shower, I went to business. I went to his side. I poked him gently at first. "Hey, wake up." I then grew impatient and hit him in the face with the butt of my rifle. I held him at gunpoint and tied him up.

"What the hell is this!?" "Remember me?" "Oh you just wait, the guard will come and skin you for starters, and oh they won't kill you right away, they like young boys." I then pulled out a sack. "You mean these guards?" I then showed him their decapitated heads. "Jesus! Well I have connections! There'll be more, and-""you mean your cartel that was dismantled and systematically slaughtered by the Russians or in jail?" "How did you know?" "I kept tabs and did some research on you, I found out you got away thanks to a few federal connections. Remember what I told you, You still owed me a favor, now you owe me two favors, and remember I can get you anytime I wanted, got it?" "Ok, fine just don't, I have kids ok, five no ten!" "Nice try, your wife left you and I know you don't have kids, so don't come up with some bullshit sob story." "How did you know?!" "I've been keeping tabs on you, like I said. So if you don't comply, I'll be back, purge or no purge."

I left his ass tied up and made my way home. Anything else, those are stories for other times. Anyways, guys I'm gonna restock on weapons and ammo and check up on our security system." The following weeks, I trained Kristy with guns and she did surprisingly well, and performed pretty damn well in hand to hand. Then the day finally came. Everything was good, the day went well. Hours before the purge, I bobby trapped the back just to be sure and made sure our weapons were functioning and loaded, made sure our security system's good, and made certain our medical supplies were good so if anything happens. When everyone came home, we commenced lock down. Then 7:00 pm came and the broadcast then started like usual.

_This is not a test. This is your emergency broadcast system announcing the commencement of the Annual Purge sanctioned by the U.S. Government. Weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during the Purge. All other weapons are restricted. Government officials of ranking 10 have been granted immunity from the Purge and shall not be harmed. Commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 __continuous hours. Police, fire, and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning until 7 a.m., when The Purge concludes. Blessed be our New Founding Fathers and America, a nation reborn. May God be with you all._

**_Author's note: Well guys thanks for reading, leave reviews, hopefully favorite, follow you know all that good stuff. Any questions just leave it in the reviews. I'd like to thank a friend for helping me out a bit in the chapter. That'll be all. Oh and if you get the punisher,pulp fiction and other references, you're a winner._**


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